Prompt #12

I wish I could say what I am. Perhaps it is the fear of failure or the fear of the doubt that has strapped me down all these years. Maybe it is in each relationship that has failed or excelled that is pushing me away from the fears and doubts that I am so afraid of. Or maybe, just maybe, it is in myself in which I cannot find the power to overcome. But myself is no longer filled with doubts and fears. I have passed the phase of complete ignorance to my brilliance. Now, I am just full of wishes.

I wish I could untangle myself. I wish I could love myself to let others love me back deeper than the initial love itself. I wish I could write, and paint, and draw, and create the way I would like to. I wish I could be the best and dream the best, and see the best, and find the best, gain the best, and live the best. I wish I were better than you. I wish I could see the presence within myself. I wish my wishes would stop and I could learn to be me, without wishing for it to come true. 

So I will stop the vicious cycle of wishing. I will show through my talents that I can become all those wishes--one by one, I will concur. One day at a time, I will steel my wish from my mind and dissect it until I can believe that I am the greatest I can be. To you, I may seem less or better, or worse, or great, or dumb and ugly or big or tall, smart and nice and funny and present. Or I may just be who I am. A bucket of wishes dying to come true, a soul of the plentiful, waiting to escape from expectation. I am the own rescuer to my so-called desires. I am the full responsibility of my own being and I can only create myself in a way I wish to see myself.