Prompt #13

Saturday Meditation 
Today’s meditation was…a disaster. I came home exhausted, sat on my rug in my room, and closed my eyes. I used my blanket that goes on my bed as a rest for my sitting bones. I sat up straight, crossed my legs, rested my hands on the inners of my knees—palms up—and lifted my shoulders to my ears and back into place. I tried to empty my mind, repeating the word “stop” over and over again in my mind. That backfired. I think the word triggered my thoughts differently than I had intended. When I thought the word “stop,” I was speaking directly to my thoughts, to tell them to stop rolling, but my thoughts; they were talking directly to my body, forcing my bones to the desire to move. After about two minutes seconds or so my fingers started twitching, and my eyelids followed, and then my toes. “Stop” began to be things like, “what should I wear tomorrow?” or something maybe a little more sincere like, “ I cannot wait to see my dad tomorrow.” Then they began to do this...”Meditate Izzy, are you this pathetic that you cannot meditate?” Well, I guess I am... at least at this moment.” This momentum continued to excel. It was now about three, maybe four minutes in, and my eyes were begging me to open. I held them tight then shifted my thoughts to the force that I was laying on my lids. And right when I was in that un-explainable state of the un-explainable, I hear footsteps getting louder and louder and then Simon, my little brother, walked in and laughed…”freak.” That encounter, well it pretty much sums it up as a whole. I tried to ignore the sounds and refocus on the meditation. Then I hear another voice and more voices and more and more voices. I cannot tell you if they were real or not, but they were there, surrounding each breath. I opened my eyes, and signed with hopelessness. “Tomorrow, Izzy, tomorrow.  (Note to self: make a “Meditation in Progress” sign for my door...ASAP)

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